Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Confessions of a Dangerous Pig...

Ok so we've all get them - our less than finer moments in life which we'd rather forget about but which our friends do so love to remind us of. 

So in order to stop them beating me to it here it is - my list of the most savage, voracious acts of piggery to date. And please, do add your own confessions to the list. No seriously, PLEASE..

1. Once I cooked a whole belly of pork as a snack, just so I could eat the skin. Ok that's a lie.... I did it more than once. Ok fine, I do it regularly.

2. After a particularly heavy night out, followed by the mother-ship of all hangovers, experience taught me that the the only way I was gonna make it was through a continuous stream of food. I call this an 'eating day.' Cue greasy spoon for breakfast (still pissed), "I'll have the Full English AND the French toast thing with the bacon and syrup," Eddie Rockets for lunch (delivered to self in bed), pizza for late afternoon bridge between lunch and dinner (delivered to self in bed) and curry for evening meal (delivered to self on sofa - thought it best, turmeric is very stainy and serves only as a judgemental reminder..). 
Note: If alone when delivery man arrives shout upstairs to fictitious friend/partner/housemate that the food has arrived. This serves to account for the volume of food he is delivering.

3. McDonalds: "What can I get you?" 
Me: "Big Mac Meal - large.  Coke, and a cheeseburger chaser."
McDonalds: "Anything else?"
Me: "Six chicken nuggets and a caramel sundae." (hangs head in shame)

4. Sunday lunch in fancy restaurant, I ate a T-bone steak the size of a teenager's head. Picked it right down to the bone, no survivors. Then went home and had 6 packets of Burger Bites in a row. Because apparently there's no such thing as TOO much beef. And they weren't the Fun Size ones. 

5. I put garlic butter on pizza. Huuuuuuuuuuuu......




5 comments:

  1. Your piggery and lack of pride never cease to amaze me. Well done.

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  2. Siobhan from Netmums30 August 2012 10:31

    As I was having breakfast with the BFP on Monday she wanted to know what I was going to have for lunch. She's the real deal.

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  3. Siobhan, do we want talk about what your annual curry bill looks like?

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  4. Fair play. I used to put mayo and Balymaloe relish and aromat on pizza. And in addition to your tip for shouting upstairs to fool the delivery guy, I also developed a way of pausing at the counter at McD's in the middle of my order, look to the sky, say "oh shit, what was it he wanted", wait five seconds, and then complete my order. I know that whenever I left the counter, the employee was fooled into thinking that I was doing the lunch run for an entire building site.

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  5. You and I are kindred spirits, DF. I think this could be the beginning of a very beautiful friendship. HOWEVER, I'm not sure I agree with the content of your blog. 'Fitness' is not a topic I like to spend alot of time with.. my aim therefore will be to bring you back to my way of thinking. Well done for trying though.

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